The Worst Mom Ever?

All of this talk of habits--particularly building good ones--has made me think about the types of habits that I want for my son. There are some things I am doing very well.

I want to teach Connor respect for his world. When he throws something on the floor, he has to pick it up. When I talk to Connor about my hopes for his future, I always add the caveat "if that's what you want to do." We eat dinner as a family every night, and Connor stays in his chair until everyone is done. I want him to be a lifelong learner. We count everything--in fact, Connor practices counting by pointing and multiple objects and saying "dah, dub, ah," ad infinitum.We practice naming body parts, he takes a daily bath, and he trusts me enough to know that when I leave him at day care I will pick him up again.

However, I also see myself teaching some of my worst habits to my son. Here are three lessons that I wish I were not teaching to Connor:

1. If you're sick, you get stuff
Connor has had stomach flu five times in six months; two of those times were all-out barf fests in which the crib was changed no more than seven times and Bryan and I each got the pleasure of being vomited on by our child. The last time Connor got the bug, he and I were at Target when it opened. Into the cart went three DVDs and a car-shaped bean bag chair. When I accidentally terrified him by showing him the dancing caveman in the toy section, he got a singing car toy as well. Connor got treated well when he banged his head twice in the same day--those of you who follow this blog might recall that he was rewarded with Leann Chin's cheese puffs and lo mein noodles.

2. Special occasions mean special food
Recently, we have had many causes for Special Occasion Food in our family. Auntie Julie was here for a whole month, which meant indulging in her favorite Minnesota fare (okay for Auntie Julie, not so okay for those of us who have access to said fare at all times). And speaking of fare, all Minnesotans know the staple of that Great Minnesota Get-Together: the deep fryer. At 10:00 A.M., on the day of our State Fair visit, despite eating breakfast no more than three hours earlier, we three indulged in a pronto pup, a deep-fried Twinkie, and Italian cream deserts (also deep-fried). Birthdays, holidays, vacations, graduations, minor successes... almost any occasion could call for a special desert or a trip to a favorite restaurant.

Food can be fun, and sometimes it's a really good thing to allow yourself a bit of indulgence. My fear, though, is that it's entering Connor's life as not just one of many rewards or treats. A cookie is cheaper and more readily available than a toy. He's too young to tell me that he wants to do a particular activity as a fun treat, but I know exactly what types of food treats he might like.

My main food goal with Connor is to teach him that food is not a reward, it is fuel. Today, his favorite foods include bananas (na-na) and grapes (ball!), but I wonder how long this will last if I continue to sooth his wounds and reward his successes with food.